why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
