The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
