3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
