How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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