Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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