Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
