I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
