When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
