so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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