mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
