The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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