So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
