can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
