Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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