I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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