Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
