so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
pop tarts are not kleenex
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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