my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
