I haven't been this sober since birth.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
