i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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