we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
