I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Welp...herpes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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