BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
