I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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