the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
