So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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