Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
