Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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