No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
