my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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