There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
