i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you didnt know i had herpes?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
