Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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