i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
