i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
