You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
