Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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