Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Be still, my beating vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
