I heard we made out
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
