is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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