Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
