You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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