How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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