I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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