Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
