party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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