i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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