In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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