Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
