I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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