I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
