Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
