as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
