sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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